The dictionary defines loneliness as being “the condition of being alone, separated, solitary, apart”, but personally I like much more a definition that someone once gave me, when asking what I was writing about. They said loneliness is when someone excludes you.
This was the result of a deep observation of human relationships. Husbands exclude their wives and wives exclude their husbands, and this is exactly what happens when loneliness and isolation affect a marriage.
When you are being excluded, you have a distant feeling; you miss closeness and real intimacy. You are experiencing loneliness in marriage. You can very well sleep in the same bed, eat at the same table, watch the same TV, have the same savings account or parent the same children, and still feel alone. You can have sex, but you cannot make love, you can talk, but you can’t really communicate, you can live together but not enjoy life with each other.
If there is one thing worse than a single, unmarried person, feeling miserable, it is a lonely married person, feeling miserable. The irony of it all is that two people don’t get married with the intention to isolate each other. Most of them actually believe that marriage is the cure for loneliness.
Loneliness in marriage is a lethal virus which invades your relationship, in silence, slowly and without causing initial pain. Until you become aware of the subtle effects of this virus, it might be too late already. Your marriage may suffer from monotony, apathy and even die because it has been neglected and it hasn’t been fed emotionally.
Loneliness in marriage is like a death sentence.
It doesn’t always take years for intimacy to disappear and loneliness to appear. Sometimes it can happen in months. In other marriages, 20-25 years are the tip of the iceberg.
If the husband and wife don’t make a continuous effort together, than there is a chance that one day they will experience the grief and anger that isolation brings.
Because many couples are not aware of this problem, there is one thing which must be highlighted, and that is that your marriage will naturally go towards isolation. If you do not consolidate and maintain your marriage with a lot of love and effort, you will start to drift away from your partner. You will live together, but you will be alone. Loneliness in marriage is avoidable though, it just takes a little bit more work and dedication, but the results will surely be worth the trouble.
By: Jaquin Durban